note : 'uncaring mode' has been activated successfully .

Being an enthusiast of hating everything and everyone I would like to announce that I am extremely bored of being mad and angry all the time so the thing I am going to say is thaaaat since today I am going to sail through my life cheerfully in the direction of the lighthouse blah blah blah .

Unfortunately I've broken the promise I had made to myself in the morning and I didn't manage to stay calm even one day. I suspect it might be caused by some things that took place today, but actually I am not so willing to make any speculations about it right now and right here. 
I activated 'uncaring mode' and there's no thing that can destroy my inner balance , which by the way is being quite unstable since I can remember ^^ . But who cares . 

Oh noooo , winamp is messing with me again. I don't like when that happens. There's so much things happening I would like to change but it seems I am the only one who cares about it even while being uncaring. 

I'm in love , I'm in love, I'M IN LOVE !

'senność' / 'sleepiness' .

"Psychiatra biczuje się wspomnieniem troski Pana Męża, chciałby być na jego miejscu, chciałby zabrać stąd Różę i samemu stać się jej domem, Psychiatra wie, że ludzie tak naprawdę mogą mieszkać tylko w innych ludziach, wie, że depresja to nic innego, jak bezdomność, na depresję cierpią ludzie, którzy nie mają w kim mieszkać, Psychiatra ma nadzieję, że Róża sama to zrozumie, stara się ją naprowadzić, delikatnie , ostrożnie; uwaga, udało się, Róża, słysząc o Panu Mężu, wstaje, przechadza się, ależ jest piękna, Psychiatra chciałby ją zaprosić do siebie, mogliby nawet zamieszkać w sobie nawzajem, ubolewa nad tym, że poznał ją dopiero jako pacjentkę; cicho, Róża chce coś powiedzieć:

-Panie doktorze ... Czy to jest normalne, kiedy ktoś ma sen, który się powtarza, ciągle ten sam, chociaż się go nie chce? ... I wszystko w nim jest takie... realne. 

-Mhm, to jest możliwe... A jakiż to sen panią prześladuje? 

-Śni mi się, że mój mąż jest... cholernym sukinsynem. "

Shame there's no English translation of the book ['Senność' by Wojciech Kuczok ], but probably then the book would loose a lot of charm which is an effect of the author's skillful play on words- except when really great translator would do that. Anyway , I prefer to read the original version , which by the way is so great that I can't stop reading it, literally. I am so over the moon with this piece of Polish contemporary literature .
Maybe when I finish reading it I will find right words to write a good review, but I doubt it. And I am pretty sure no one will ever read this book, so it's simply pointless. 

Fantastic expectations amazing revelations .

Never expect from a man that he will understand you and support you, because in the moment you need him the most, he will probably disappear under unknown circumstances. That’s the first expectation-revelation, although I guess many women have discovered that on their own .

It’s not revolutionary that every man, literally every man, no matter what kind of relationship you’re both in ,  is able to finally screw you and left things the way they are without any explanations. He won’t even say a word about it later. Therefore men are assholes, who generally don’t have any moral rules to fallow, and in fact it’s quite understandable. But it doesn’t mean I should approve of that.

They tend to imagine things, fabricate half-lies and white lies plus simply overinterpret  all things you would ever say, no matter what your intention was. Isn’t that just annoying ?

Stop expecting, stop looking for this only one, stop expecting what you’ll never get, find yourself a better passion. Deserve you spare time for something else that you’re more likely to bloom with, than fade away and blur your existence. Because no one is entitled to waste your energy and to suck your desire to do something extraordinary out of your blood . I never agreed on this kind of deal and I will not. I don’t need more boundaries , I got them too much already.

And now I know why I won’t get married , why I didn’t take advantage of men when I had a chance to and why I live alone and do all the stuff by myself. I was born to be single .  Should I fear now ?

“I’m made from stardust, same DNA as stardust” . Ha, wish I was.